Well Dad's gone... Again... I've never really quite liked him... Not after what he did... I guess it's my pride again, not wanting to forgive and be stubborn - heh, i get that from Both sides of the family, so i guess it's pretty strongly instinctive... But i can't help but feel a little sad, he has never stayed over for this long is a very long time. It's gonna be quiet at home from now... For the next many months to come... I guess i'm ok with it... I've always been sort of alone in life... I don't love it, but i don't mind it either. I've got a long way yet to live, it won't hurt... It's my mom i'm worried about. They've been spending most of their time together since he got back early this year... I wonder how it'll be for her... Nothing's been the same between my mother and i since the argument... Even with the apology... I guess i dont Want her to think it was completely the same as before. She has to grip the fact that i aint a kid no more... She has to understand that when i say i am God, i say it with meaning. Sigh... But maybe i'll liven things up at home like i used to...

My dad's the f-ing sports, facts and poetic genius in the family... My mother was the Lingusitic one... Heh. The converstations at home usually ended up in debates... They were fun to have... But then again... Both my parents were the ones with the shittiest luck...So i guess that pretty much adds up nice and well to the composition of my life... The new and different part of me was the laziness... Which, when added to shitty luck, really makes for a fucked up life.

Sometimes i wish i actually drank... Or smoked... Or did some kind of thing that made people think they were releiving their stress and forgetting their troubles in life... But i don't and won't... Maybe there's something in carrying the burdens of people... You feel somehow used, but somehow wanted at the same time... Writing takes my mind of nothing... Actually, it makes me think of them more... Because it gives me feeling, and filling for my work.

Ahh well...
My best archery mate... And the girl i like huh... heh... Isn't that so damn familiar? My best mates, and the girls i like... Sometimes i laugh at this world. It's just so damn fucked up. And yet, people live and say things like, ahh it's life, you get used to it.. Or they just shurg it off and keep walking on like absolutely mindless machines oblivious to the damnation around them. Sometimes i wonder, when i'm walking through the world, about what goes on in everyone's mind... I know that in mine there's just thoughts, billions of em. Hundreds which i can control, and the rest just swarming around in this ceaseless buzz.

Also, why is it that in every group there is one person that takes so much unappreciated burdens and then is also later equally unappreciated and scoffed at. Why doesn't anyone care to just sit beside him and talk? Is it so hard? Or have men become blind and so very uncaring?

Humans. Need. To. Learn.