You know there has always been one particular question in my bank of reserved questions. That's the bank way deep inside my head, behind like 15 different vaults - a bank that holds all the truth of my life and all the philosophies and such such that I don't speak off unless I have the truest mood to.

And only one person has ever given me the mood to talk about it. Well two if you consider my first.

Anyway, as I was, there's been one question.

Who am I. I mean sure, I'm Jacob, 16, dark skinned, Eurasian, a journalist, an aspiring author, an archer, an Ex-RSM and Master Sergeant and a guy who loves the country that brought him up.

Sure, I'm also the guy with the uncertain history and past, the guy with a family of rather interesting heritage, the guy who seems quite stupid but gives strangely innovative solutions, the guy who just seems weirdly out of place when he's around and the guy that's always staring into space and suddenly coming up with the most random crap.

Just, more or less, that guy that you see.

But is that really enough for me? Just being that guy... What about the Who is he really? I took a shot and asked around... I got the expected replies, the - uhh why do you like to ask us this, the frank answers to what they thought of me, and also the ones that were simply lists of what was good in me. I'm way glad for the latter because those people actually noticed what I'd like them to, noticing what's inside.

I never figured out what kind of personality I really had. Look around in social circles. You'll always find definitive personalities, traits, characters - just a whole mojo of types of people that, in some ways, keeps the whole thing in balance.
For example, a group might consist of - The instinctive leader, the annoying joker, the arrogant intellect, the silent observer, the hard-working scorer, the slacking side hand and possibly one or two more with a fusion of two traits.

Put in too many of a kind and you'll end up with problems. Like too many intellectuals will just mean too much heated debate over varying opinions, too many leaders make for too many choices of decisions and too many jokers throw the entire thing to chaos.

But all the time, you'll find that fine line between the members of any social circle. Small, or large. It is exactly why you have gossip, because you talk about that line that is different from you, and the other guy.

And now I come in. I can honestly say, I don't have a line. At times I take up the reins of any group by instinct and other times I just make jokes, from the piss funny to the ludicrously lame. There are times I pride my own intellect far over others and share my deep opinions of the world and times I stay very quiet and scrutinise everything around me. I might suddenly work hard, but it never lasts for long and I fall back into the slacking phase soon enough.

I am everything, and yet nothing.

Or as a friend put it
- You are everything I need you to be, and nothing I want you to be.

Well, I was reading a book I just bought, a book about creativity and certain guidelines to writing and how much freedom I should have while writing. Yes yes i know I'm more than good enough, but you can never be too good to read up on more advice at something. Not until the majority of the world says you are.

Anyway, a key line that caught my eye was one in the introduction pages. "...Look, you're probably a writer because you've received subtle clues all your life that you're - well - different..."

And I can tell you, since then, this book has been like a real life friend to me. It's like finally someone understands what it's like. Like finally I wasn't alone in this war...

So it stands. Being a writer - a genuine, instinctive, natural, gifted, imaginative fiction biased writer - is a totally different sort of social standing in it self. It won't mix too well with the rest... And from here I can only theorise why. Theories which I will not list because this post has become rather long.

As a writer, I am simply different. There aren't many like me - those true writers. People who get the jitters if they go without a pen and paper for too long. People who just need to keep coming up with new tales. Or people who simply like to look at the world and smile, with grand ideas brewing inside them.

So it's clear now why I just can't always seem to fly with the rest of the world. I have forgotten this one key fact about writing and being a writer.

A writer must be used to being lonely, because writing is a lonely profession.
It is a road I, we, must take alone.

With that, I leave you... And with some links too, that tell us more about the characteristics of writers... Perhaps if you never understood me very well, reading these might help.

Link 1 http://www.geocities.com/MyPaganHEN/charowrit.htm
Link 2 http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/189369/ten_characteristics_of_the_hardcore.html?cat=7
Link 3 http://www.successful-blog.com/1/the-problem-with-writing-25-things-to-know-before-you-write-for-a-living/#comment-1227917
Link 4 http://www.successful-blog.com/1/are-you-a-writer-7-traits-that-writers-have-in-common/

And this too... I didn't take this test but i found that this page of results was truly the most honest thing i could say about myself...

Link 5 http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP_car.html