Day two of my imba heart break.

Today... Was a brilliant day.

But lets start with last night. Time was crawling for me... I kept thinking about her... I didn't have much to take my mind off things and I wanted to get some sleep. But I knew that would be difficult, so I went to the medicine cabinet.. I took the bottle of sleeping pills... For a fleeting moment, I felt like popping 5 or 6 inside me. Then my mom came over... And asked what I was doing... That snapped me back.

Phew... Good thing she did or you may have had one less oxygen eating friend on this planet.

I woke up this morning, rushed to the toilet again. Had to puke. Too much pain.

I paced the length of my hall and kitchen maybe 100 times before it was time for me to get ready for the so called "field trip" to science center. That helped a little... Regulated my heart beat, made it hurt less...

All the way through the trip I couldn't take my mind off her... Everything reminded me of her... Every other woman or girl i saw reminded me of her. I had to text her... And i did... I had to call her... And i did...

The trip ended shortly... I decided I wanted to meet her... She agreed... I think... I just needed to test something... I put my arm around her as I usually would... It felt normal. We were just friends... But the moment she left, I felt the pain return... I wanted her again.

Then I headed for my club, never wanting to go home till it was late. Had a couple of my friends there, and the jokes we had cheered me up... For awhile...

Then Suffi came over... We talked for a long time as we walked and ate... I tell you, that guy knows more about relationships than he thinks. But i suppose it's always harder to give advice when you're the one in trouble. He had a great analogy for why i yearn for her this much...

I'll share it...

Imagine if you like doing something a lot. When you're doing it, you don't feel much. But when you're not doing it, you feel like you really want to. I guess that's why when i'm with her, i feel nothing burning... But when i'm not, i feel an urge to find her again.

Then I talked to Daniel as we walked home.. That took a lot of my chest as well... Good thing I followed him.. Maximised time spent, maximised energy spent, maximised pain lost. Good. A lot of healing....

And finally, I talked to another friend who was.. worried about us.. I learned a lot... About her feelings, and I got to really express my feelings too... And this was the one that took nearly all my weight out...

Typing it now.. seems to be the cherry on the cake... I feel very good now... And i truly feel like this time I can make her a better friend and be a better friend to her than ever before. I hope the pain doesn't return, but in case it does, I'll be spending a lot of time with the guys these next few days...

I will get stronger.